IMMD V2.2

Grateful and Happy...that's my race report.  I promised myself that if I had the chance to race an Ironman again, I would do it better...better than IMFL in so many ways...and it was.

My number one goal was to have fun in this race, to try to stay away from the dark thoughts and to remember to smile, thank people and in general, enjoy the day whatever it held. Secondary goals of time were also mostly met with a nice PR in extremely challending conditions.

Boy was I in for a treat.  The two week taper before the race was spent babying my hip/hamstring and glute.  I was trying to "make it to the race and just get through it" and I would take care of the hip later.  I had been working on my hamstring issue for almost a year and though it was better, it just kept nagging......With the extra 2 weeks taper, I was able to get into physical therapy and with just 10 days to do, Kristin from Fast Track got me to a "pain free" state.  Happy to report...everything BUT my hip hurt by the end of the marathon.

IMMD V1.0 was a short wet, rainy weekend spent drowning our disappointment in drinks, good food and the hot tub.  Thank to my housemates, Katie, Greg, Patti and Marti  along with Kat and Ryan, we made lemonade out of lemons that weekend and prayed for the race to be postponed and not cancelled.

For the first time in Ironman history, they pulled it together - Under the direction of Gerry Boyle and Jason Chance and the entire Town of Cambridge - and IMMD V2.0 came to fruition.

THEN....saturday morning came and IMMD V2.1 was put into action when high winds at dawn called for a small craft advisory.  Ok..roll with the punches (secretly..i was perfectly OK with this - whatever the days hold..I kept telling myself)...then..10 minutes later as the sun rose, IMMD V2.2 was put into action and what was supposed to be a shortened swim of 1.2 miles was increased to 1.9 miles...just 800 yards shy of the 2.4...- ok..Roll with the punches.  It certainly made the morning go by fast albeit cold!

The swim was choppy but not like Florida.  It was cold and hard to sight into the sun.  I thought I had the perfect thing to spot..a giant pole sticking up right over the red turn buoy...too bad it was attached to a moving vessel and I only figured this out when they nicely yelled at me to "go left!"  haha..i actually laughed when I realized what was happening. I was punched once...thanks dude...but overall the swim was fast.

T1 11:56 was freezing...so many people in the tent...I went as fast as I could and 12 minutes to change from wet to dry, was in my opinion, not bad when i could hardly feel my fingers.

Bike: 7:12 (just about 32 minute PR over IMFL in windier condition) The Bike was brutal. The first lap...some 57 miles was awesome...averaged over 17 MPH....never stopped..not once (thanks Mary).... I realized when I took my first sip of Infinit that I had made a HUGE mistake.  I had planned on double concentrating the solution so that I wouldn't have to stop and refill, just add water.  That first sip was like WATER.  I realized that I had been talking while making my bottles and instead of double concentrating I only half concentrated the first bottle and regular concentrated the next 3.  Dumb mistake...but a dummer mistake was not stopping to refuel with any other calories and I paid for it on the second loop when the winds were gusting to mid 30's and I was doing about 8mph and struggling to keep my bike upright.  Thank goodness for Jen Gibbins and her snickers...it literally saved the end of my ride.  I had vivid hallucinations of long hot showers,  warm beds and a Big Mac with fries.....

T2 15:00 - I was colder this time around...and I had more clothes to put on..thankful that I had a last minute wardroble decision.  It was also the BRIGHTEST outfit out there..i think!! 

Marathon: 6:53 (IMMD 7:05) - so it wasn't the fastest marathon and I had great plans for this being under 6 hours..but just wasn't going to be that way.  My legs felt great, but my lungs felt the effects of the cold and wind.  So I kept the first 13.1 miles to under 15minute/miles and then chose to walk the rest. I never ever ever got to a dark place.  I smiled, laughed, talked to people, gave high fives and just enjoyed being out there and enjoyed not stressing over the finish. I knew I would make it...so i enjoyed it...I have to admit, the NOX Gear vest made my night and the night of many others out there...I got more compliments on the Sock Monkey hat than I ever imagined..and I will always continue to run in memory of Keri and Team Sock Monkey!

I also did this race with my little friend Jace in mind. He was with me the whole day!  I remembered you Jace, when I thought that I may want to lie down on the road and nap!!  You're a great cheerleader!!

I had so many favorite events of the day that I can't put them in any particular order. I thank Sarah for being an awesome Sherpa and friend and roommate!!!  And to Lynne who shuttled me to the race at o'dark 30 on race morning.

Thanks AGAIN to Katie for keeping my family and many others updated by text and on Facebook!  You cannot know how much that means to me!  Thanks to The BEARS, Lisa and Keri who made me laugh whenever I saw them and have got this "cheering thing" down to a science!  

I want to thank my sister Eileen, who never ceases to amaze me..mother of 8, who does it all...and makes me cry in happiness just about every day.  Originally my sisters (all 3 of them) had planned to be there for IMMD V1, but due to life's circumstances they were not going to be able to come this time.  On Friday night, during the team dinner, I received a text from my sister Eileen telling me that she would BE THERE!!!  I could not stop the tears......My niece Kelsey and my nephew David came with her so that they could experience the event and help her stay awake on the way home!  They all said they could not help but be super excited and had so much fun. The BEST part was that my sister was able to medal me at the finish and then we turned and waved to my mom on camera!  My mom wanted to be there so badly, but she could not.  My family is the BEST ever!

Not sure why David wouldn't get in the picture....with his crazy sister and Aunts!!  

My second BEST moment ever was meeting my coach and trainer on the course with his wife. Adam and Patty Lee have become great friends of mine and I am throroughly grateful to Adam for his coaching and guidance and just about any other advice he has to offer about life. (ha!  we don't always see eye to eye..but we make up!)  I can not adeqately express how surprised and awed I was that they would make the journey to see me to the finish!!  For this I will be forever grateful. 

Thanks to my mom and dad for always believing in me and supporting my crazy endeavors.  My mother's words to me last night, "you've made me proud "enough", "two medals are great!"..haha. I think she would like me to give this long distance stuff up even though she said I didn't cause her as MUCH anxiety as Florida!  Love you mom and dad. 

And finally to my teammates...I couldn't have done it without you!  For everything you do..Thank you! and Thank you for holding down the cheering/volunteering/catching/medalling fort yesterday. You certainly are appreciated.  

The EPIC 20/120 weekend is upon us and DONE.  I had an exceptionally great weekend...not because I finished the 120...I didn't....but I did finish the 18 that I had planned for this weekend...but mostly...I felt good...I felt energized...and even though i hurt when it was done...it made me feel alive!  I'm so looking forward to this race....bubble wrap people...bubble wrap...until I can get there....happy and healthy....

Here is an excerpt from a FB post that I posted on several different sites today....

Here's a little share. 9 years ago, when I left the convent, i weighed 210 lbs...through working out and yo yo dieting I lost a little weight. In 2013 I started Ironman Florida at 185....I said that if I were to EVER do another one, i would need to be leaner and stronger. I lazed around for a year after Ironman and worked out here and there and was toning, but not losing and definitely not fitting in smaller clothes. Fast forward to 2014 and I started using Kettle bells in a class 2 days a week for strength training. I met my wonderful trainer Adam and he has helped me change my life. In April of 2014 I began what we would call "whole 30" but was really just a plan that Adam gave to me. At the time, I didn't eat any starches except the occ sweet potato (no white potatoes etc.)...gave up dairy and most importantly gave up sugar. I suppose that I wasn't strict b/c I still use Stevia. In the beginning I also cut out fruit as I was trying to lose weight, but then I added it back in after the first 30 days. This picuture is sort of the fruit of my labor. the best part is that I have been able to keep it off for more than a year (something I was never able to do)..but this is because I actually made it a lifestyle change...AND I don't sweat the small stuff.....If I wanted something really badly, I would give myself permission to have it...and then actually walk away from it....it just doesn't look or taste as good as I thought it used too and I feel it immediately in my body. Today and yesterday I had a 1/2 coke after burning over 1500 calroeis each day....I don't feel guilty, it tasted ok (it was what I wanted at the time) and best of all, I don't crave it and it wasn't good enough to want to just go have one! So, i feel like I have come a long way since the 210 of my unhappy convent days.... and I'm hoping that when Ironman Maryland gets here...it will just be a celebration of the new lifestyle that I have....and hopfully will continue feed my body for nutrition only...and not be emotionally attached to my food....it can't make me feel good...and it can't make me feel bad....it just is, what it is...

20132015

 Having fun with Aaryn

All done!  and Happy 

Oh, its good to be back!

Back at strength training and work, etc.!  So glad and feeling fortunate to be back.  This weekend is my first run and hopefully ride back at it....(hopefully, b/c we are supposed to get torrential rain and flooding on Sunday...sigh).....back to the pool on Monday!!!!

 Set a new PR in the Turkish get up...just under 50lbs!!!  Who says rest isn't good for you!!!  Love Love Love being back at it.

no other words needed

AND..its over.  Going to go and cheer.  Do what the doctor and my trainer say...Take it easy, heal my brain and GET IT DONE for IMMD!

And then there's this.....

We set big goals not to achieve them, but to set ourselves on a road trip toward them. 

That's where the good living is. 

- Lauren Fleshman

Though the face may be healed...the brain certainly is not.  As much as I would have liked to speed this healing up...and I thought I could convince myself that it was better...the headaches comes...and the dizziness.....

So..much to my deepest sadness, but not regret, I cannot race this weekend.  When I let myself dwell on it too long, I begin to hyperventilate about "all the miles I am missing."...How am I going to just hop on the bike and do 90 miles in 10 days?  how will I know if I'm ready?  What will I do if I'm not ready?  

But what's bugging me the most right now..is work....and since this may or may not be a public posting..I can't say anything more than that. Its just that I don't like others having to pick up my slack..its nothing work has done or said..its my own inability to let others do what I inevitably would do for them!!!  

This accident actually forced me to ask for help..from people other than my family....it made me think...it makes me nervous sometimes for the future....and sometimes..being is a nurse is its own worst enemy =)

I cried for the first time since the accident this morning....I hate crying..it makes my eyes red and my nose stuffy and my head hurt worse!  On the other hand...everyone deserves a good cry now and then.

And so I must remember the saying above...the good living IS in the journey...wherever the journey takes us (as long as I don't get fat sitting on the couch in the process!)

All the colors of the rainbow

Today's good news.  I have about 90-95% of my shoulder range of motion back...and mostly pain free.  Going a bit stir crazy in the house and wanting to not eat too much b/c I'm not exercising.  Little errands take a lot out of me and I have to nap for hours.  Headache is not too bad either.  So all around...a good day.!

Some days are meant to put life in perspective

And this past saturday was one of them!  thankful and grateful for every sequence of events that occurred on Saturday that helped me to overcome the bike wreck...from remember to wear gloves (which I never do), to copying my driver's license and insurance card right before the ride, to trying new nutrition that was working!!! To angels on the road who stopped, to my friends that stopped and made sure I wasn't alone until the ambulance got there, to those who stayed with me in the hospital until I could go home!!!

There are angels all around us...for this I am sure.

Thank you to all those who made this day so LESS traumatic for me.  I don't remember much of the accident.  I remember slipping (I thought I had hit a pothole - apparently I hit wood in the road)..I thought I had just made a right on to the major road, and as it turns out, I was almost a mile down the road from that turn....I though the people who saw me fall were right behind me and it turns out that those sweet ladies were in a car and had to turn around and come back....my friends stopped for me, but I do not remember who was there..except for Mairead..I remember Mairead..and maybe Matt...but other than that..I don't remember.

I do, however, remember checking for teeth the first second that my eyes opened...and being grateful that my mouth did not take the brunt of the fall.  I remember saying over and over, "I still have my teeth" and yet I couldn't remember any of my friends names...until I remembered Leanne.  I tried to tell the lady how to make a call on my phone..so I must have remembered the code...but I don't really know who found out what and how.

I am grateful that I did not fracture my cheek, that I did not break any bones and that my road rash will heal.  I think I may have a concussion...after hearing the sequence of events retold, I am sure now that i lost consciousness....so then..why do EMT's and ER physicians ask the patient that?  I had no idea..as far as I was concerned...people were right there the second I fell....

anyway...thank you to everyone and anyone who helped me that day.  Team Z has given me so much support and some of the best friends of my life.

Wear your helmet people!!! Wear your helmet!!! AND your ROAD ID...even though the EMTs didn't know anything about RoadID's...they do now.

In the ambulance

The helmet that saved my noggin

Day 2

Ripping off the bandaid! Monticelloman 2015

Remembering that this is fun!

I was dreading this weekend and looking forward to it all at the same time.  I wanted to see just where I was in the scheme of being ready for this season.  In that respect, about a month ago, I decided to back down from the 70.3 distance to the Olympic distance.  Good call.  Not because physically I could not have done it, but mentally, I was not there yet. 

It was a beautiful venue and could not have been a nicer day. Great people, fun team, nice atmosphere, cold water and a warm breeze.  All this equaled up to a great race for me...a 20 minute personal best over last years flat race. This race was wetsuit legal (water temps 62-64 degrees!  brr!) and I was trying out my new wetsuit for the first time in open water.  I LOVE my wetsuit. Not restrictive in the chest, not restrictive in the shoulders....held me up...felt strong.  

Swim 32:46:6  (8/21) (a 7 minute PR over last years swim).  Felt that I held my line (though there were not very many buoys out there)...my Garmin had something else to say about that...instead of ~1500 yards, it said I swam 1775yds...so....perhaps I would have been faster if I had held a straighter line, but I'll take it...I did not panic - even when I was swum over in the beginning - not sure why we were all so close to the front of the start!!! Got into a rhythm and just swam.

Bike 1:24:19 (7/21)  (3 minute PR and an average speed of 17.1mph over very hilly terrain).  What a beautiful and fun ride.  I felt strong, cadence high, body position low, actually passing people on the way UP!!!! and when I realized that we didn't have to come back up the steep incline that we went down on the way out...I was ecstatic!! Only issue was a little bit of IT band pain on the right side which totally disappears once I am off the bike.

Run: 1:18 (15/21) ..ugh...though I should be happy about my run...and I am pleased with my progress...what the hell is up with the cramping...same thing..every year...once I get past the sprint level, my quads cramp!  This run, though, as is every run this season, is a lesson in mental strength.  I did what I could...I never said, "who care's" or "I can't."  I said...do what you can, "see if you can run through the cramping"....and somehow managed a 9 minute PR over last years flat run...even with the cramping. The second half of the run was better than than the first, though I doubt it was faster.

Overall, completely pleased with my progress.  Then, why oh why, did I have a complete meltdown yesterday at KB?

Its times like these (and many other times) that I am supremely grateful for my trainer Adam and the girls in my class and yesterday in particular, for Patty..... I had no warning of the crash, no idea that I was upset...I just started sobbing...and realized that I was TIRED...so very TIRED...and hungry....and frustrated with the cramping...and frustrated that I was tired...and and and and...........

So, I went home...ate a huge meal, slept 10 hours and today is another day.  With the next 2 days off from KB and training....I am relaxing!!  and strategizing....and planning for the next race.  

And to keep things in perspective...I remember why I swim and bike and run......

I feel recovered, well rested, and RESTING!  and preparing for work tomorrow!  

IMMD is 150 days away...and I'll be ready....physically and mentally.....

WOW...I am amazed...

So, today's results made me smile.  I admit it, I was nervous...about what, I'm not even sure...what the "numbers" said...and I wasn't even sure what the "numbers" should BE, or should SHOW....but here it is.....

The visual is sobering...

Since June, I have lost just about 16lbs (42 total lbs), almost 9% body fat and gained 3.5lbs of lean muscle mass.

Who knew it was so hard to gain muscle mass???  Everyone would like you to think, that when your weight stalls on a weight loss program, its because you have "gained muscle."..Seriously, 3.5lbs of muscle gain took 7 months of 3 x week kettle bell/strength classes.  Whew!!

I am over the moon with the way this is going.  Not because it was/is easy, but because its simple and something I can do for the rest of my life.  I'm not, in general, hungry.  I do not feel deprived.  When I want something, I CHOOSE to eat it (though this is few and far between, b/c I just don't WANT it anymore). Pictures like this one not only validate the work, but lends itself to great incentive to never go back!  The foods I am eating now are good foods and good FOR me foods. 

So, even though i'm stuck at 140lbs...I don't consider it stuck anymore...If more weight comes off during IM training, so be it, but i'm still all about increasing muscle mass and strength, especially in my legs. (I gained almost all of my lean muscle in my trunk).  You can even see that my spine fat decreased, the shoulders and my waist...amazing...even my big fat head got smaller!! )...

So, future goals....

1. Unassisted pull up- by the end of march 2015 (what if that doesn't happen..ok..whenever it happens)

2. muscle up (just one..in the next year).

3. Drop my Half marathon time to between 2:15 and 2:30

4. Drop my HIM by 1 hr (or just finally finish under the cut off!)

5. Drop my IM time by 2 hours.

6. At this moment, there are no weight lifting goals b/c strict strength will start in April and I will have a better judgement of what I want and where I need to go.  Then I will update this list.

STRONG NOT SKINNY......7 month DXA check in tomorrow...sigh....

Tomorrow 2/4/15 I am going to have this test redone.  The DXA scan is one of the most accurate ways of measuring body fat outside of the test done in water.  The first time I had this done, I was shocked with my body fat percentage.  I knew I was overweight..obese even, but I had no idea.  One reason was because all the "caliper" tests and the "tests based on biometrics and hydration status" were all about 10-14% less than what this test showed.  My visceral fat load was 1.6lbs. (fat around my internal organs).

Tomorrow...I am expecting it to be better....then WHY the hell am I so nervous about it?  I have no idea what a good body fat percentage loss is...I guess i'm afraid that it won't be "enough"...I already know that my BMI still has me in the overweigh category even though i'm in a size 6-8.  I'm stronger, for sure...but how much stronger.  My stomach fat/skin bothers me a lot...more than it probably should. AND..i want to be at my original goal weight..which is 128lb.  I think I need to go back and start over....i feel like i eat too much....ugh..this is so scary...how am i going to maintain with the next Tri season looming ahead.

I think I don't want to be disappointed that my hard work, or what I believe to be hard work, has not paid off in big dividends.  

Truth...I'm still living in a fat girl's brain.  I cannot seem to help it...